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Single Parent Faith

Showing posts with label Intentionality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Intentionality. Show all posts

Saturday, May 19, 2012

On the Verge of a Breakthrough


“Set your sights on the specific impossible things God wants you to trust him for in your life.” – Steven Furtick (Pastor, Author of “Sun Stand Still”)


Many of us in our 40’s and beyond can find ourselves in a place where the voice of disillusion beats its oppressive drums. It’s an inaudible yet steady thump, thump, thump, beating against our soul, depleting our potential, if we allow it.

We get caught up in the daily routine of responsibilities and life’s worries that form. You ever notice that there are always things to worry about?

Disappointments are the same way.  There’s a lifetime of them to pick from, if you so desire. Then don’t forget regret when reflecting on shoulda, woulda, coulda’s.  By our 40’s, our minds have typically accumulated a live streaming video of all the missed opportunities and moments we didn’t step up and take the chance.  Perhaps we took chances on the things that were destructive and disruptive to our lives.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Relationship Solitude- The Absence of Intimacy and Meaningful Dialogue

“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.” – Rolo May


In the waiting room of the physical therapy clinic, I watched as a woman in a wheel chair was called to proceed into the therapy area. She began to roll herself forward, then stopped, and turned to speak to her husband. I didn’t hear the conversation, but observed her body language. She shook her head in a very disappointed manner when she noticed he was not beside her, but rather already at the exit door leaving the facility.  She returned her gaze in front of her as she navigated slowly and awkwardly down the aisle alone. I felt a sadness for her solitude.

Just moments earlier there was a couple seated by each other, engaged in conversation and enjoying each other’s company.  When one was called, the other got up and both proceeded to the appointed area together. Both sets of couples appeared to be in their early 60’s.  I was struck by the contrast between the couples. One couple was clearly there as a “couple” fully invested in the well-being of the other.  Juxtaposed to this model, was the portrait of the woman in the wheel chair who was left on her own to fend for her self.

It brought to my attention the reality that there are so many lonely people in relationships.

Friday, November 25, 2011

In this Moment— Creating Memories


“These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me…”
—Sung by Edwin McCain, Lyrics by Diane Warren

Thanksgiving is a time for considering all that we have, and all that we are  grateful for. All our Blessings, all the beautiful things that have entered our lives, all the wonderful treasures we find in the people that we have in our lives, and the people yet to arrive.  I take pause to stop and thank God for all the beautiful memories I have been able to capture and experience in my life.

Then it occurs to me, I must also give thanks for the challenges and tearful  experiences, for they too have shaped me and accompanied me on my path, nudging me to grow as a result. Okay, maybe not always nudging, sometimes kicking me and launching me as if by cannon. These are the moments we are face to face with God’s invitation to grow. Because it is the only way to move beyond the current rut, or the painful moment.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Dating Service- Through the Eyes of a Child and Single Mom, Part 2


“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.” —Plato





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The dating service arranged a meeting for me after work, on a Friday my daughter was to be with her dad. That morning, as I was in my closet, my daughter asked, “Do you know what you’re going to wear?”

"No." 

“What kind of a look are you going for? Are you going for the sexy look?”

Where does she get this stuff? I don’t use the word “sexy” with my child, but there are multiple sources in a child’s life where they can pick up all sorts of language and ideas.

We stood in my closet as she pointed and selected various items, trying to match them for me. Eventually we made a combined selection—Of course I had veto power.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Dating Service- Through the Eyes of a Child and Single Mom, Part 1

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself.” —Josh Billings
  


During the timeframe when I was trying out the dating service that I wrote about in Stint With Dating Service, my daughter was 11 years old.  I decided to use a couple of my dates as an opportunity to demonstrate what healthy dating is, with boundaries and awareness.

© All rights reserved by Passive Income Dream.com

First, let me say that my rule is that I only date when she is away visiting her father. I don’t get a baby sitter just for me to go out on a date.  I want to minimize disruptions of her routine and I don’t want to introduce feelings of insecurity— where she feels second to a stranger in my life. She needs to always know she is first. Additionally, since most of these first dates never turn into second, had I taken precious time away from my daughter, I would have regretted it. I don’t want to date at her expense, or even at the expense of me missing out on precious moments with her.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Laying the Groundwork for Our Kids' Future Dating Habits


Image From: http://flic.kr/p/9g8gXp
© All rights reserved by brandnewkathryn


Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means. — Albert Einstein

My daughter was about 11 yrs old at the time, when I realized how at such a tender age, kids are already in the throes of dating. Of course in their world the decision to go out and break up occurs often all in one day.  And the criteria used is very rudimentary: “Are they cute?” Or in more modern terms: “Are they hot?” which you don’t exactly expect to hear out of the mouth of your child. The criteria pretty much starts and ends there, unless we teach them differently.

For this reason, the adolescent years are definitely not too early to begin discussing the dating topic. In fact, if you don’t begin early establishing the norm of open communication, they will recoil from you more than the usual clamming up moments in their teen years. No matter what age, if your child says they are “going” with someone or that they already have, then what are you waiting for? Get started engaging them in dialogue!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Making Time for People

"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship." 
- Cicero


http://flic.kr/p/9PaFSd
I believe that some of us are at risk of dying before we depart the earth. The internal chambers of our hearts and minds lead us to a life of living or dying.

Our attention spans, where have they gone?

Our interest in others, how do we demonstrate it?

Most of us either distracted, or in a rush, may find ourselves exhaling our busy lives away. It seems like we barely have time to meet someone for coffee, to catch up over lunch, never mind dinner. How many people are we passing by, assuming they’re fine and not taking the time to ask beyond the polite and now perfunctory,  “How are you?”

I find it ironic that in a Facebook era where we have hundreds, perhaps even thousands of supposed “friends,” we rarely make time to sit face-to-face and have an authentic conversation. We are so “connected” electronically, but I would venture to say, less “connected” emotionally.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Sometimes Beginnings are Best Interrupted

"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."

Below is an excerpt from my journal during a time when a guy I met on an Internet dating site engaged me in an email dialogue:

The fact that I am considering this is not judgment. It is just an observation. We already had been emailing back and forth for a few days, when I shared a personal experience related to a trip photo I posted on my profile site. I exposed my vulnerability through sharing this meaningful moment with him. His responses were “What kind of camera did you use. The pictures and the picture quality is beautiful!” and, “Wow you are beautiful.” To which I felt let down and disillusioned. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

Text A Bouquet of Flowers

Copyright © 2011 Ella Venezia.
All Rights Reserved.
A few days ago as I passed by the kitchen table, I glanced at the fresh cut flowers my daughter gave me for Mother’s Day, and sadly most of them were wilted. I reflected on how many days I had rushed by them recently, only glancing briefly, if at all. I marvel how quickly I can take something so temporal for granted.

Of course when my daughter first gave them to me, I was elated and had to bring my nose close to inhale their perfume. The first couple of days I glanced at them often, and a smile automatically came over me. Then as the days progressed, I glanced at them less often, because I was usually in a rush or my mind was preoccupied.

A couple of days ago, I thought, I should stop and look at the  flowers, as I caught myself rushing by them yet again. “Now” that I wanted to linger longer on their beauty, they had indeed expired.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Making Memories

With the onset of the hustle and bustle of every day life, it is so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of our lives and lose sight of having fun. Sometimes we are too busy rushing to stop for a moment and observe, or soak in the moment. The other morning my daughter and I were running late, as is usually the case around our home during the weekdays. I was very uptight and kept prodding her to focus on doing only what was necessary to get out of the house.

After finishing breakfast she began to get her children’s gummy bear vitamins out of their container. I told her that since we were running late she would have to take them on our way to school, rather than stand there chewing one vitamin at a time. There were about 6 to chew. When you are running late, even the anticipation of waiting for a child’s every chomp, knashing each individual gushy gummy bear, appears like an eternity rather than seconds. She agreed to take them with her. Then she reached for a paper towel, and retrieved a magic marker and proceeded to write in large letters, on the towel. Each letter appeared to be formed with such intent, that I could feel the clock ticking. Okay, so I was feeling very impatient.

At this point I’m thinking, “We are already late! This is way too much! This kid needs to learn time management!” Just then, I couldn’t take it anymore and was about to blurt out something like “ I thought I told you that we are running late. We don’t have time to...” When, my eyes, following her concentrated hand movements, were forced to see what was really going on here. This wonderful child of mine was writing: “Vitamins. Take after breakfast.” As I stared at her, I couldn’t help but smile when I realized that she was doing something so very much like what my dad would do. He lives over 2,000 miles away in NYC. Remarkably she's not around her grand-pa enough to have picked up on this by observation. It was heartwarming and at the same time humorous to see my Dad’s genes coming out in her. He is very much one to write instructions to himself. I continued to smile as I realized further that my older sister is the same way about writing down instructions.

I continued to observe, as my daughter carefully positioned her vitamins in a row on the paper, as she asked me “Did you take your calcium pills yet?” I sheepishly admitted “No, not yet.” She responded with excitement: “I know! Every morning I can put your calcium pills and my vitamins on this paper towel so we won’t forget to take them!” “What a great idea!” I exclaimed with a smile. The kind of smile that originates from deep within the heart, when one realizes something very pure and loving about the miraculous moment one is in the midst of observing. This very scene could have so easily turned out differently, had I continued in my stressful rush and impatient inner dialogue. Yes we were late. Yes, that is certainly a fact. But what a waste of a beautiful moment, had I, obsessing over that fact, not allowed myself to see what was in front of me. I had a window before me, allowing me to learn something new about my 9 year old. I would have missed it entirely had I allowed the curtains of impatience to blind me. This would have stopped her dead in her tracks before she had a chance to display her concern and care for me.

In this moment I saw how thoughtful and sweet my child is. How organized and detailed she is. How methodical and instructionally oriented she is. How she did listen to me when I told her to take her vitamins after breakfast. Had I lost my patience, I would not have allowed her to complete playing out this moment. In this moment, we both created a memory and I was there to soak it all in. Only with a peaceful countenance could I have allowed this moment to play out uninterrupted. Giving her the chance to be herself, and me the chance to observe this morsel of a memorable moment. I won’t forget how she looked as she concentrated while writing on the napkin, without knowing that I was watching her, with loving eyes soaking her in.

Memories are simple moments observed. Memories don’t have to be super fantastic, Fourth of July displays of action-filled momentum. Those are very memorable too. But face it; you can’t have these every day. But quiet observances are like little miracles you can have available to you throughout the day. A sprinkling of smile generating, heart-warming moments consistently accompanying us every day, are only ours if we are willing to soak these moments in. If we stop to be present to what’s already unfolding before us.

Sometimes memories, like this one, are created during moments of spontaneity. But also, memories can be made by taking some time to plan something special. In either case, it takes intentionality to put it into motion. We need to be more intentional with making memories. Life is too beautiful, and short, to allow it to slip out of our grasp. If we live our lives with intention, we don’t let life slip by us. We are present to the “moments” of this very special life, granted to us.

Often I’ve heard it said, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a present." We should see every day as a present granted to us; not to be taken for granted. But rather to be lived as intentionally as possible, to get the most out of it. Being present to your present, is the miracle you can witness on a daily basis. Because in the unfolding of the moment, the blessing will arrive.

Have you ever seen a child eat an icicle stick, the frozen flavored ice in a long rectangular plastic wrapper? Every pass of their tongue over that icicle is a celebration of the taste buds. They smile as they soak in the flavor. When they get to the very bottom of the wrapper, and you think the entire frozen icicle is gone, they are still actively slurping, looking for the very last drop of the sweet juice. They don’t give up easily. They keep licking until it is all licked dry. The delight on their face is apparent, long after the icicle is gone. They enjoyed every moment of that icicle stick. They were intentional in every lick. Every lick had purpose; the purpose of savoring the icicle. They don’t slam it down, leaving no trace of memory or flavor. Long after finishing it, they have clear evidence on their face, that they had an icicle and enjoyed it, to boot! Such is the way we should be with living our lives. Moments with our loved ones, with our friends, or new people coming into our lives, should be greeted with great intent and savoring, lest they be gone and we have no trace of having shared a memory.

The life which we are given, is like a gift that we unwrap day by day, discovering within every day, a seed, spurning us on to grow, and learn something new that will help evolve us into what God intends us to be. Part of that intention is gratitude for the gifts we receive. Gratitude for the memories we intentionally set about to create. What better gratitude than to honor and appreciate each moment we are gifted the opportunity to live. Why not be focused and present to the moment, so we can create a memory that lasts a lifetime?

This memory happened for me some 5 years ago. I remember it as if it were yesterday. Firstly because I wrote it down (in my journal), but also because I took the time to observe and allow this instant to become a memory I treasure. Let’s be more like children and savor the present moment. By doing so we preserve these moments into memories. Here’s to making a lifetime of memories, one moment at a time!