The Misconception of Perfection in Love Relationships

“It’s not so terrible. Rather than dwell on problems why not look for life’s gifts? Every day is a present. Beautiful!”— Alice Herz-Sommer (108 yrs old- World’s oldest Holocaust Survivor)

The unexpected arrival of someone into my life is an opportunity to see God’s blessings, and simultaneously triggers all my inner demons and work still left undone. There’s never such a thing as “no fear,” even when I feel the gift has been delivered into my arms directly from God. The human fallible me, intercedes and interrupts the miracle. There’s a myriad of fears which creep in, little by little, trying to undermine the gift.

When his human flaws began to introduce themselves to me, like an onion exposing its layers, I could feel my resistance grow, as fear dug its heels in. This is always a very difficult period to navigate in a relationship: the flaw discovery phase. Not until you reach this place are you able to really begin the relationship part of the dating experience.

Stint with a Dating Service— Not Really Listening

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A few years ago, I joined a professional dating service that arranged for initial break the ice meetings at a local restaurant. The downfall to all this was that it was always a blind date situation—someone other than me got to pick the guy, based on their interpretation of his and my written profile.

I know what I want, so adding a stranger in the mix to interpret (through her filter) what I communicated, leaves me at the mercy of her judgment. There are several other women who assisted pairing me up. All these opportunities for misinterpretation of my words were equivalent to having too many cooks in the kitchen, between my order and the results. 

Sometimes Beginnings are Best Interrupted

"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."

— Marilyn Monroe

Below is an excerpt from my journal during a time when a guy I met on an Internet dating site engaged me in an email dialogue:

The fact that I am considering this is not judgment. It is just an observation. We already had been emailing back and forth for a few days, when I shared a personal experience related to a trip photo I posted on my profile site. I exposed my vulnerability through sharing this meaningful moment with him. His responses were “What kind of camera did you use. The pictures and the picture quality is beautiful!” and, “Wow you are beautiful.” To which I felt let down and disillusioned. 

Season of Expectancy

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Sitting with my friend at a local coffee shop, someone she knows popped in to talk with her. She was brimming with enthusiasm, so much so that I began to wonder if she was on drugs. How could someone be this happy?

She burst out declaring: “This is now my season to meet my husband! After now being divorced over 8 yrs, I am ready. This is my time.”

“What makes you so sure of this?” I blurted.  Here I am, divorced much longer than her, younger, and dare I say, more attractive than her! (Excuse me, but is my ego showing?) Don’t I deserve this season too? Truth be known, I was a bit irritated (okay, I was jealous) of her assuredness and zeal.

The Perfection Revealed in Weakness

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“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. …”  2Corinthians 12:9

There’s a footnote in my Bible for this passage.  It reads: “Human weakness provides the ideal opportunity for the display of divine power.”

I was feeling a bit down in the dumps, in touch with my current state of not having met that special man in my life. For the most part I can go through my life in touch with all the Blessings I do have. But every now and again, I am revisited with the sadness or yearning to share my life with my divine partner.