Connecting with our Kids at any Age

The mother-child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother and to become fully independent.” – Erich Fromm (German Psychoanalyst 1900-1980)

I always enjoy running across a file in my computer where I’ve documented a moment in the life of my child. Here’s a snapshot of a moment with my daughter at age 11. 

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It’s my daily ritual to call my daughter at daycare in the afternoons. It gives us an opportunity to connect and gives her the chance to share anything that’s on her mind prior to me picking her up. Sometimes she tells me, “Mama, I’m not feeling too good,” which is sometimes code for, “I don’t want to go to soccer practice.” Sometimes she’ll tell me, “I just want to go home and snuggle with you.”

On the Verge of a Breakthrough

“Set your sights on the specific impossible things God wants you to trust him for in your life.” – Steven Furtick (Pastor, Author of “Sun Stand Still”)

Many of us in our 40’s and beyond can find ourselves in a place where the voice of disillusion beats its oppressive drums. It’s an inaudible yet steady thump, thump, thump, beating against our soul, depleting our potential, if we allow it.

We get caught up in the daily routine of responsibilities and life’s worries that form. You ever notice that there are always things to worry about?

Disappointments are the same way.  There’s a lifetime of them to pick from, if you so desire. Then don’t forget regret when reflecting on shoulda, woulda, coulda’s.  By our 40’s, our minds have typically accumulated a live streaming video of all the missed opportunities and moments we didn’t step up and take the chance.  Perhaps we took chances on the things that were destructive and disruptive to our lives.

Dreams of Distant Travels

“The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle.” — Anaïs Nin

Boat Ride at Sundown on the Seine River, Paris, Summer 2004.

My 17-year-old daughter asked me what I was going to write about. The title prompted her to interject, “I dream of the day I no longer have to live at home.”

“I hope your dreams include a career that can make that happen.”

“I’m going to win American Idol,” she said tongue in cheek. Thankfully, it’s not one of her dreams, since her talents lie in other areas.

Dreams act as a beacon, sometimes looming in the far distance, sometimes peeking through clouds at sunset on the Seine River.

School Project— Creative French Mischief

“Inspiration does exist, but it must find you working.” – Pablo Picasso

I reflect back to a moment when my daughter was 12 years old, and she was in the unenviable position of being the sole participant in what was to be a “group” project for her French class. They were to write a short skit in French, for the team members to read aloud in class. Her team consisted of only three kids, including herself. She was especially frustrated with the boy on her team because he made it very clear that he did not want to contribute. The other girl was willing, though not very familiar with the language. My daughter has a good ear for language, so she took it upon herself to take charge.

“I have so much to do by tomorrow. And all Herberto said was, “No” to everything I asked him to do. That’s not fair!”

She needed a few moments to catch her breath, then a mischievous smile formed as quickly as her solution took shape.

God's Faithfulness Endures

“My faith is in Jesus, the son of God, the savior of the world. My faith isn’t even in my ability to believe in Jesus, because sometimes I won’t be able to perceive him. Sometimes I won't be able to feel him. Sometimes I will have doubts. But my faith isn’t in any of that. My faith is in his faithfulness.”— Steven Furtick (Pastor of Elevation Church, Charlotte, NC)

While reading “Sun Stand Still,” by Steven Furtick, the words in the quote above grabbed my attention. In particular, the words, “his faithfulness.” Usually when I consider faith, it’s in the context of “my faith.”  Which of course ebbs and flows on any given day. I have heard and read about “his faithfulness,” yet it wasn’t until today, reading Furtick’s words, that the concept shook me awake to pay attention.

Sometimes words can be like wallpaper; you may enter the room and not notice its color or pattern. After all, it is in the background. Then one day, you enter the same room with seeking eyes, and the room now appears brightly lit. The former ignored things, come into illumination, as you discover the rich texture and beauty that was always there.

Such for me are the words, “his faithfulness.”

Divine Appointments— How God Reveals His Love for Us

“Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your weakness. “— Mother Teresa

How often in our doubtful minds we question how God can use us for His purpose when we may not feel strong enough, or faithful enough.

What is His purpose? If he’s God surely His purpose is magnanimous. Maybe we don’t feel we are strong enough for magnanimous duties? Maybe we do not feel good enough, or spiritually developed enough to be used for His plan?

But he uses every one of us, every day. He uses us exactly where we are. We do not have to be monks or people who spend most of our day on our knees.  In fact, I believe you may actually question God’s existence, and He will still use you for the good of humanity.

Each of us has unique qualities and life circumstances that can be God’s portal to delivering reassurance, hope, peace, and love to others.

Say

It was some time ago when I saw the movie “The Bucket List.” I recently heard the movie’s theme song, “Say,” written and sung by John Mayer. I listened closely again to the lyrics, as few of them as they are, and find their simplicity compelling.

You can heal a lifetime of pain and regret, by one word, “say.” How many of us have something we have left unsaid? I’m not talking about the ”I ought to give you a piece of my mind!”  kind of  “say.” I am, however, referring to the words we will regret not saying if the person passes away with us never having expressed our feelings. Second chances are guaranteed to no one.

What keeps us from saying them?