Difficult People In the Work Place

“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”
~Richard Bach

The work place can be a  petri dish for stress. The other day I was given an assignment that would require me to have interaction with someone who is very abrassive. 

“Do you have a moment? I have a few questions.” I previously attempted to connect with her by phone and email, but she never returned my messages. It was time to pay her a visit. 

“Not really.” she answered with an edge, “Well go ahead, what do you need?”

I focused on the task at hand and I reminded myself not to take her tone personally. As I asked questions, her answers were ambiguous and not very helpful.  With each follow-up question, she raised her voice and was clearly agitated.

Some years ago I was in this woman’s cubicle and a similar thing occurred, only that time I didn’t say anything, I just left feeling bad. Instead of following up with her, I found someone else who had a good disposition and was happy to assist. For several years I didn’t have to interface with her again, until recently.

Where do Bullies Learn to Bully?

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully."—Tim Field

I just finished watching Anderson Cooper’s Townhall, “Bullying – It Stops Here” and couldn’t help but wonder, where are these bullies picking up on this bully behavior?

What makes a bully, a bully? Somewhere in their own personal lives they may be victimized and bullied themselves.  Kids don’t come out of the womb bullying. This is a learned behavior.  This behavior is being modeled for them, perhaps even encouraged.

This is such a multi-tiered problem. It doesn’t appear to be as simple as being birthed in schools and staying there after these bullies graduate high school. A few years ago I experienced a manager at work who was trying to manipulate and bully me. During that time I ran across a book while at B&N and purchased, Robert Sutton’s, “The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't.” The book reinforced that companies must deal head on with these bully individuals before they inflict further damage to employees and the companies they work for. You can read about Mr. Sutton's motivation to write the book here.

Surely there must be a connection between adult bullies and younger ones.

Work— Managing Expectations

“Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.” –Ralph Marston