The Vulnerability of Old Age

“To feel deeply and precisely with full awareness is what opens us to both joy and sorrow.” ~Mark Nepo.

Through the corner of my eyes, I tracked a slow moving stooped figure. I was visiting a church this past Sunday, and while singing, I noticed an elderly man assisted by his walker and two women, make his way to a seat. His gaze was forced downward from a severely contorted spine.

God's Faithfulness Endures

“My faith is in Jesus, the son of God, the savior of the world. My faith isn’t even in my ability to believe in Jesus, because sometimes I won’t be able to perceive him. Sometimes I won't be able to feel him. Sometimes I will have doubts. But my faith isn’t in any of that. My faith is in his faithfulness.”— Steven Furtick (Pastor of Elevation Church, Charlotte, NC)

While reading “Sun Stand Still,” by Steven Furtick, the words in the quote above grabbed my attention. In particular, the words, “his faithfulness.” Usually when I consider faith, it’s in the context of “my faith.”  Which of course ebbs and flows on any given day. I have heard and read about “his faithfulness,” yet it wasn’t until today, reading Furtick’s words, that the concept shook me awake to pay attention.

Sometimes words can be like wallpaper; you may enter the room and not notice its color or pattern. After all, it is in the background. Then one day, you enter the same room with seeking eyes, and the room now appears brightly lit. The former ignored things, come into illumination, as you discover the rich texture and beauty that was always there.

Such for me are the words, “his faithfulness.”

The Misconception of Perfection in Love Relationships

“It’s not so terrible. Rather than dwell on problems why not look for life’s gifts? Every day is a present. Beautiful!”— Alice Herz-Sommer (108 yrs old- World’s oldest Holocaust Survivor)

The unexpected arrival of someone into my life is an opportunity to see God’s blessings, and simultaneously triggers all my inner demons and work still left undone. There’s never such a thing as “no fear,” even when I feel the gift has been delivered into my arms directly from God. The human fallible me, intercedes and interrupts the miracle. There’s a myriad of fears which creep in, little by little, trying to undermine the gift.

When his human flaws began to introduce themselves to me, like an onion exposing its layers, I could feel my resistance grow, as fear dug its heels in. This is always a very difficult period to navigate in a relationship: the flaw discovery phase. Not until you reach this place are you able to really begin the relationship part of the dating experience.

Parent Weariness— Teen now 18

“I have many times been driven to my knees by the utter conviction that I had nowhere else to go.” ~Abraham Lincoln

I have not blogged consistently for the past few months. To say my current reality during this timeframe has been rather chaotic and stressful, may be understating it a wee bit. You see, my 17 year old turned 18 late last year, and my world has been in utter chaos surrounding this milestone.

Everyone knows that raising teens is not easy.  Having already weathered many teen storms, I thought that as she approached 18, the worse was behind me. I really began to enjoy her at 17.  It seemed that her teen revolts were fewer and I saw maturity begin to set in. I thought she was finally “getting it,” understanding many things regarding life and our relationship seemed strong.

The past six months have been a struggle as I try to maneuver through the depths of this chaotic teen journey into adulthood. Not only is this a difficult period for her, but as her mother, I am catapulted into a transition I thought would be just that, “a transition.” Silly me, I thought a transition meant that there’s time to adjust. Believe me, there has been no easing into this life’s episode! It has been a catapult into enemy territory; only come to find out, I’m the enemy.

Poop Happens— And Then We Find the Beauty

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." 
—Mary Pickford

My first serious relationship after my divorce, I fell in love with someone who decided to leave the state, er….run away from his life (okay this is my editorial comment). In the process of mourning the end of that relationship, I went through a difficult period, as one would imagine. The mourning of a relationship’s end is never easy, unless you have no feelings for the person.

Stint with a Dating Service— Not Really Listening

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A few years ago, I joined a professional dating service that arranged for initial break the ice meetings at a local restaurant. The downfall to all this was that it was always a blind date situation—someone other than me got to pick the guy, based on their interpretation of his and my written profile.

I know what I want, so adding a stranger in the mix to interpret (through her filter) what I communicated, leaves me at the mercy of her judgment. There are several other women who assisted pairing me up. All these opportunities for misinterpretation of my words were equivalent to having too many cooks in the kitchen, between my order and the results. 

NO ONE WILL BEGRUDGE ME

I talk about it sometimes with Him, all the suffering in the world.

“Dear God,” I have prayed, “how is it possible

all the horrors I have seen, all the atrocities you allow man

to commit when you—God—are ever standing

so near and could help us?

Could we not hear your voice say ‘No’

with such love and power

never again would

we harm?”

And my Lord replied, “Who would understand if I said that I

cannot bear

to confine a wing, and not let it learn from the course it chooses.”

But what of a man walking lost in a forest

weeping and calling your name for help, and unknown to him he

is heading for a covered pit with sharp spears in it

that will maim his flesh when he crashes

through the trap?

“Yes, why don’t I remove every object from this world that could

cause someone to weep? Yes, why don’t I speak in a way

that could save a life?

I opened up my hand and the Infinite ran to the edges of space—

and all possibilities are contained therein, all possibilities,

even sorrow.

In the end, nothing that ever caused one pain will exist.

No one will begrudge me.

The Absolute Innocence of all within my creation

takes a while to understand.”

—St. Catherine of Sienna (Born 1347, in Siena, Italy)

From: “Love poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West,” by Daniel Ladinsky, 2002. New York, NY: Penguin Compass.

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There is so much we do not understand.  In recent months, globally we’ve experienced tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes, wildfires, flooding…….

Many use the existence of tragedy, as a litmus test to assert that God doesn’t exist. That disasters and pain exist, they conclude that therefore, God must not exist because if He did, how could He let this happen?

"Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire."

—St. Catherine of Sienna

Catherine Benincasa— later known as St. Catherine of Sienna— was born in 1347 in Siena, Italy. At the age of six, at sunset, as she gazed upon a church on the hills of Campporeggi, she saw Jesus and three of His apostles. Jesus smiled at her and raised His hand in a blessing.

Season of Expectancy

Source: Google Search Images

Sitting with my friend at a local coffee shop, someone she knows popped in to talk with her. She was brimming with enthusiasm, so much so that I began to wonder if she was on drugs. How could someone be this happy?

She burst out declaring: “This is now my season to meet my husband! After now being divorced over 8 yrs, I am ready. This is my time.”

“What makes you so sure of this?” I blurted.  Here I am, divorced much longer than her, younger, and dare I say, more attractive than her! (Excuse me, but is my ego showing?) Don’t I deserve this season too? Truth be known, I was a bit irritated (okay, I was jealous) of her assuredness and zeal.

Saying Good Bye to an Unhealthy Relationship

Infinite vastness

Infinite possibilities

        Awaiting us as we step

               Forward in faith

                        Reaching for God’s hand

                                    To steady our fears

                                                           —Ella Venezia

Copyright © 2011 by Ella Venezia, All Rights Reserved

(Image from lh4.googleusercontent.com)

Though we know better and cerebrally formulate how we need to lean on faith and trust, when the storms and trials of life arrive, we tend to duck into a cave, even if only for a short while. We take refuge in things that give us comfort, it could be comfort food, it could be sleep, it could be any number of things.