A Time to Grow....Up

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.” —Gail Godwin

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I purchased a new vehicle on Saturday, and since then I’ve not been as excited about it as everyone around me appears to be. My enthusiasm was dampened by many logical thoughts— okay the engineer in me is showing.

The cost of a new vehicle is pretty steep, and if I had my druthers, I’d be perfectly happy continuing to drive my 11 year old 4Runner. It’s still in great shape, and truth be told, I would have driven it until the last fastener holding it together popped, or the engine sputtered its last dry terminal cough.

But, many changes are about to take place in my and my daughter’s life. Faced with her imminent plans to get a job this summer, I had to acquiesce sooner than I would have preferred, to purchasing another vehicle. No more will I have to leave work early to pick her up from school. No more will I have to drive her around town scrambling for last minute office supplies, to work on surprise projects— surprise to me that is. No more will she— erroneously I might add— blame me for dropping her off late to school.  Okay, so I am to blame for some of those times….but certainly not all.

Ahh, receiving her driver’s license, and now having the privilege to drive my older car, she has arrived at the gateway of her independence. This beginning milestone marks her emergence into the world of commerce. Now with a vehicle she’ll be able to get a job this summer, and begin to learn the value and the disappointment in the dollar.

While I am relieved of many of my “duties” as a chauffer, I must say it is a bittersweet moment. I will miss and treasure all the moments I had with her, while tootling around town together.  I’ve noticed other parents roll their eyes when recounting having to drive their kids around. But me, I will miss those moments. I have savored these special times with her. Okay, maybe not the moments when she was moody and mad at me, but there were many other great moments of laughter and meaningful talks.

I was thinking that my reluctance to celebrate and get excited about purchasing myself a vehicle, was due to the price tag of the vehicle, the extra insurance to insure an additional vehicle, AND a teenager. But maybe some of the melancholy is due to saying goodbye to the little girl, and embracing the young woman metamorphosizing before my eyes.

I’ve never felt this way before, during any of her prior stages in her development. I was always joyous to embrace her new stage— okay I’m lying because there were some teenage moments from 12-16 years of age that infused me with additional grays. 

The logical part of me doesn’t want to hold her back. The mother part of me wants to see her learn and grow into a self-sufficient, confident, and independent woman. The love in me wants to see her happy and free. The truth in me knows to begin to let go. 

Ella Venezia

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