Single Parent Faith

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Love is Humble


How humble is God?
God is the tree in the forest that
allows itself to die and will not defend itself in front of those
with the ax, not wanting to cause them

And God is the earth that will allow itself to
Be deformed by man’s tools, but He cries; yes, God cries,
but only in front of His closest ones.

And a beautiful animal is being beaten to death,
but nothing can make God break His silence
to the masses
and say,
“Stop, please stop, why are you doing this
to Me?”

How humble is God?
Kabir wept
When I


Kabir, a 15th century Indian poet, wrote these profound words, still very relevant today. I have never thought of God as humble. This completely took me by surprise. The all knowing force, the alpha, the omega, God who has more of a right to be proud, and yet he is humble.  If God is humble, then what right have I to be anything but humble myself? My ego ponders.

“God is the tree in the forest that
allows itself to die and will not defend itself in front of those
with the ax, not wanting to cause them

How many times have I thought in my self-righteous wisdom, that I am right and someone else is wrong? All too many times to count. How many times in my past relationships have I thought I knew better about relationships and that I needed to let them know what they were doing wrong, not enough, or right enough? How many times did I shame the very men I loved? It puts me in sorrow to contemplate. I can see that though I loved them, my definition of love was tainted by the limits I placed on my understanding of what love truly is. Love is boundless….limitless….all the things God is. Love is humble. I have so much to learn.

If God is humble because his love for us wants to spare us shame, how can I offer less to someone? If God hasn’t come down crushing me every time I’ve caused pain and suffering upon another, why should I? When his very power is capable of anything, He refrains from being anything but Love. Can I do the same?

God’s knowledge of each individual could crush their very existence, if God chose to “defend itself in front of those with the ax.” Yet his Love chooses not to use this very knowledge, because it would shame us. It would destroy us. His concern is not to rule over us, not to say, “I told you so,” not to prove he’s right, not to remind us who’s boss. He is after all God, and by definition, has no ego. His concern is for our very spirit, our soul. God, like a good parent, wants to support, encourage and love, rather than shame.

We encourage our children as they walk through every stage of their growth. Applauding them on as they gain understanding from their experiences. There are lessons we cannot spare them from, no matter how much we love them and want to keep them out of harm’s way. Because of our love, we stand ready to support as they make their choices. If a choice leads them to pain, don’t we rush to embrace them and comfort? Rather than stand with finger pointed ready to shame?

As parents we understand we cannot expect a 4 year old to drive a car, and would never give him the keys and send him off. We are all new in our spiritual development and understanding of God’s depth and magnitude. People develop spiritually at different rates. Some of us are still in diapers. Some of us are just learning to crawl, while some of us are on our backs gurgling. Though at different stages in our spiritual infancy, God, like a parent, knows where his children are developmentally.

When I have embarked on relationships with men, they, as well as myself, were at different places. In my ignorance, I approached the beginning of my relationship with an expectation that if he wasn’t where I was, that he would one day be, if I loved him enough, if I struggled enough, if I was patient enough. Little did I know, I should have just quietly observed where he was, and if I could not co-exist with his stage, I should have lovingly bid him farewell. His spiritual development is for him to account for. It’s not my ego’s job to teach him. Who am I to teach him? I am struggling myself to learn— So much vastness yet to uncover.

How can I presume I could show him the way? Whose way? My way? What God has  compelled and inspired within me, is my experience. I can share, but who am I to impose it upon someone else? It would be wrong to do this. God himself doesn’t get into our knickers forcing an outcome or direction. His love gifts us freedom to choose. And loves us regardless of our choices.

I need to respect everyone has their individual spiritual evolution, which doesn’t often coincide with mine. Instead of preaching to them, or getting embroiled in their drama, I need to refrain from speaking to them in a manner, which will shame them for being where they are at present. If I am truly opening myself up to God, then I will practice humility and not need to impose my beliefs on anyone. The individual cannot see what I can see at this moment. And vice versa. To force him to see something he’s not ready to see, will only create him pain and suffering. And at the end of the day, he will only blame me for his condition. He often will not take it as an invitation to grow. A person has to have a heart in passionate pursuit of growth, to embrace change. 

Often in my life, I have had to repeat the same experience many times, before I finally got to a point where I had enough and was ready to grow. Then and only then, were the blinders removed, allowing me to see with clarity, what my former level of understanding prohibited me from seeing.

In my past relationships, I became angry at guys for being at a different place from me. It was a long and painful process for me, but I believe I have learned to accept they are as they are, and me, not they, have to change. Their change is their business, not mine. Empowering myself, I changed my “perception.”

If I find that where I am and where God’s directing me to go, is somewhere entirely different from him, I need to peacefully move in my appointed direction. I must send them blessings and move on in my journey. No need to justify, rationalize, explain, preach, moralize, share supposed wisdom, all the while making them feel less, just because they are where they need to be.

With God in my heart, I would not intend to do anything other than what is kind. It is kind to be humble. It is the ultimate manifestation of humility, when aware of someone’s vulnerability, we choose not to decimate their spirit with crushing words.

If however, I choose to continue a relationship with them, it’s on a level that I am at peace with. Whatever that is. The minute I am not at peace, its time for me to re-evaluate. If it is a relationship that brings with it harm or toxicity, as in the case of abuse, control, or substance abuse, I should acknowledge to myself the truth and terminate the relationship. This I do out of love for me. But most importantly, I do this out of love for my child. No child deserves to have this trauma flung at them. They have no choice, the small voices that they are, rely on us to speak up and protect them.

If a relationship terminates, it’s because the relationship’s purpose has been fulfilled— its season has ended. As we move on, we make a way for new things.

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”— Isaiah 43:19, NLT


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