“If
it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take
responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”
~Richard Bach
The work place can be a petri dish for stress. The other day I was given an assignment that would require me to have interaction with someone who is very abrassive.
“Do you have a moment? I have a few questions.” I previously attempted to connect
with her by phone and email, but she never returned my messages. It was time to
pay her a visit.
“Not really.” she answered with an edge,
“Well go ahead, what do you need?”
I focused on the task at hand and I
reminded myself not to take her tone personally. As I asked questions, her
answers were ambiguous and not very helpful. With each follow-up question, she raised her voice and was
clearly agitated.
Some years ago I was in this woman’s
cubicle and a similar thing occurred, only that time I didn’t say anything, I
just left feeling bad. Instead of following up with her, I found someone else
who had a good disposition and was happy to assist. For several years I didn’t
have to interface with her again, until recently.
I really don’t like confrontation, but this time as she carried on, the words rolled off my tongue matter-of-factly
without much effort or preparation.
“You don’t have to yell at me. I’m here
trying to do my job, just like you,” I said in a stern manner so she knew
I meant business.
“I didn’t realize I was yelling.”
“You must be experiencing a lot of stress.”
I decided to extend her a way out.
“This is a bad time of year for us and I’ve
been working long hrs.”
“I understand. Me too. In today’s world of ‘do
more with less people’ we are all overburdened. I myself was up working into
the wee hours last night, but I don’t take it out on others.”
In other words,
we should take responsibility for our actions, no matter the stress level we are experiencing.
I wanted to be clear that I do
not tolerate being spoken to this way. Obviously ignoring it the first time did
not change her behavior. It probably reinforced it— that it's acceptable to
speak to me this way. This time I decided to flex my “non-victimhood” muscles.
I get it. We all deal with stress and
problems in our lives. Every one is struggling with something and often we deal
with multiple challenges at once. However, it is never a free pass to victimize
others in the wake of self-absorption with problems. Being stressed and
overburdened is not an excuse to snap and bully people.
Ironically, these difficult people
are also victimizing themselves in the process of their self-absorption; Imprisoning
themselves in a world where they are the perceived sufferers and, therefore,
justified to behave this way.
“Asserting yourself while
respecting others is a very good way to win respect yourself.” ~ Janice
LaRouche
Ella Venezia
Copyright ©
2012 Ella Venezia. All Rights Reserved.
Good quotes and good post. I always tell people, "We can make this easier or we can make this harder." Whoever's "fault" we think it is, we almost always have a choice. For every choice we have, we should be thankful for the blessing it represents.
ReplyDeleteAnd isn't it better to make it easier? Great point Michael! As always, you bring wisdom and insight. I appreciate your words!
Delete~Ella