Choosing to Love, Despite Fear

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” – Rumi

Several years ago I dated a guy who was so afraid to get hurt again, that he never gave himself emotionally in a relationship. The best he gave was a shell of himself. Most women accepted that, and many didn’t even notice he was showing up incomplete.  It prompted me to ponder: 

Why be so afraid?

So afraid that in your very avoidance of the possibility that you'll get hurt, you wind up hurting those who care about you?

I don’t think anyone wants to get hurt. I know I definitely don’t! But we do. It is life. And we emerge. We are designed by God to be resilient and able to love again.

Absolution

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, your Christians are

so unlike your Christ.” –Mahatma Gandhi

I watched a movie that was a bit difficult for me to follow, because it rapid fired through many scenes, so you have to keep up with the characters and their stories. I’ll have to watch it again. It was stirring. It listed the 10 commandments and the story line was a demonstration of each, in a very compelling and real example of each. The movie is “I Am.”  

It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is for me to pick out and notice when someone else is being hypocritical, but when it’s me demonstrating that behavior, it may elude me until sometime down the road. The hopeful part of me hopes that eventually I see with God’s heart enough to get it, or at least as well as a child may be expected to.

Relationship Solitude- The Absence of Intimacy and Meaningful Dialogue

“Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.” – Rolo May

In the waiting room of the physical therapy clinic, I watched as a woman in a wheel chair was called to proceed into the therapy area. She began to roll herself forward, then stopped, and turned to speak to her husband. I didn’t hear the conversation, but observed her body language. She shook her head in a very disappointed manner when she noticed he was not beside her, but rather already at the exit door leaving the facility.  She returned her gaze in front of her as she navigated slowly and awkwardly down the aisle alone. I felt a sadness for her solitude.

Just moments earlier there was a couple seated by each other, engaged in conversation and enjoying each other’s company.  When one was called, the other got up and both proceeded to the appointed area together. Both sets of couples appeared to be in their early 60’s.  I was struck by the contrast between the couples. One couple was clearly there as a “couple” fully invested in the well-being of the other.  Juxtaposed to this model, was the portrait of the woman in the wheel chair who was left on her own to fend for her self.

It brought to my attention the reality that there are so many lonely people in relationships.

In this Moment— Creating Memories

“These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

These are the moments I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have's come true

And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me…”

—Sung by Edwin McCain, Lyrics by Diane Warren

Thanksgiving is a time for considering all that we have, and all that we are  grateful for. All our Blessings, all the beautiful things that have entered our lives, all the wonderful treasures we find in the people that we have in our lives, and the people yet to arrive.  I take pause to stop and thank God for all the beautiful memories I have been able to capture and experience in my life.

Then it occurs to me, I must also give thanks for the challenges and tearful  experiences, for they too have shaped me and accompanied me on my path, nudging me to grow as a result. Okay, maybe not always nudging, sometimes kicking me and launching me as if by cannon. These are the moments we are face to face with God’s invitation to grow. Because it is the only way to move beyond the current rut, or the painful moment.

A Daughter's Gift of Release

“Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love.” –Leo Buscaglia

In August, while my daughter sat in the waiting room as I talked to a medical administrator, unbeknownst to me she reached into my journal and wrote me a note on the last page.

Afterwards as I sat waiting for her while she was having an MRI, I opened up my journal, ready to write. I noticed the last page now contained her handwriting.

“Mom-

I love you so much! You’re an amazing mother. Even though we get in “moods,” especially a lot lately since I’m at that horrible age…LOL…I still love you, I always will no matter what!

I am so glad you’re my mom!  I like it being just the two of us, but please don’t just be comfortable. It’s okay to find a man. Don’t give up hope. You deserve the best!

With all my love always,

XOXO”

In the years prior, my dear friends had a suspicion that the reason why I was not meeting the right guy, was because my child was not ready for me to. When I read her note, I was moved to tears. It was validation that at some level she understood the power she wielded over my readiness to meet someone. This letter was her releasing me and setting me free to be available to opportunity.  It was an honorable and loving gesture coming from my 17 yr old.

Ella Venezia

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Childlike Wonder—What I love about Parenthood

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”— Anonymous

It’s common for parents to commiserate with each other regarding the challenges of raising kids. Though the task is overall an arduous one, it is the most significant and meaningful life experience most of us will ever have.

I see Parenthood as a Blessing. Regardless of whether one biologically delivered the child, parenthood in all it’s variety of ways that we come upon it, is truly a second chance for us adults to learn.  The teaching moments we may have slept through, as often adults do while under the thumb of careers, responsibilities, stress, and the like, arrive again as a wake up call, challenging us to now listen, lest we miss it again. 

Where do Bullies Learn to Bully?

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, bully."—Tim Field

I just finished watching Anderson Cooper’s Townhall, “Bullying – It Stops Here” and couldn’t help but wonder, where are these bullies picking up on this bully behavior?

What makes a bully, a bully? Somewhere in their own personal lives they may be victimized and bullied themselves.  Kids don’t come out of the womb bullying. This is a learned behavior.  This behavior is being modeled for them, perhaps even encouraged.

This is such a multi-tiered problem. It doesn’t appear to be as simple as being birthed in schools and staying there after these bullies graduate high school. A few years ago I experienced a manager at work who was trying to manipulate and bully me. During that time I ran across a book while at B&N and purchased, Robert Sutton’s, “The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't.” The book reinforced that companies must deal head on with these bully individuals before they inflict further damage to employees and the companies they work for. You can read about Mr. Sutton's motivation to write the book here.

Surely there must be a connection between adult bullies and younger ones.