Say

It was some time ago when I saw the movie “The Bucket List.” I recently heard the movie’s theme song, “Say,” written and sung by John Mayer. I listened closely again to the lyrics, as few of them as they are, and find their simplicity compelling.

You can heal a lifetime of pain and regret, by one word, “say.” How many of us have something we have left unsaid? I’m not talking about the ”I ought to give you a piece of my mind!”  kind of  “say.” I am, however, referring to the words we will regret not saying if the person passes away with us never having expressed our feelings. Second chances are guaranteed to no one.

What keeps us from saying them?

The Misconception of Perfection in Love Relationships

“It’s not so terrible. Rather than dwell on problems why not look for life’s gifts? Every day is a present. Beautiful!”— Alice Herz-Sommer (108 yrs old- World’s oldest Holocaust Survivor)

The unexpected arrival of someone into my life is an opportunity to see God’s blessings, and simultaneously triggers all my inner demons and work still left undone. There’s never such a thing as “no fear,” even when I feel the gift has been delivered into my arms directly from God. The human fallible me, intercedes and interrupts the miracle. There’s a myriad of fears which creep in, little by little, trying to undermine the gift.

When his human flaws began to introduce themselves to me, like an onion exposing its layers, I could feel my resistance grow, as fear dug its heels in. This is always a very difficult period to navigate in a relationship: the flaw discovery phase. Not until you reach this place are you able to really begin the relationship part of the dating experience.

Unhealthy Relationships— Purging the Bad, to Begin Anew

“What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.” –Leo Buscaglia

At the intersection of change, one makes a bold and courageous decision to shed something or someone that no longer works in our lives. That no longer gifts, but instead dampens, oppresses, and slowly kills our spirit.

One must always reflect and allow oneself the opportunity to mull over what has just happened. To deny ourselves this opportunity only short-changes us, preventing our growth from this experience. Believe it or not, growth does result. From the pain and discomfort, seeds are planted that will sprout in the spring of our transformation. Just as this time will come, so too, this time today is here for us to understand what it brings.

Poop Happens— And Then We Find the Beauty

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." 
—Mary Pickford

My first serious relationship after my divorce, I fell in love with someone who decided to leave the state, er….run away from his life (okay this is my editorial comment). In the process of mourning the end of that relationship, I went through a difficult period, as one would imagine. The mourning of a relationship’s end is never easy, unless you have no feelings for the person.

Taking Care of Ourselves

"Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness."  ~Edward Stanley, Earl of Derby (Born 1799)

"It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor."  ~Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman Philosopher (Born 106 BC)  

"What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?" ~Randy Glasbergen, Cartoonist

In today’s hustle and bustle, even if we are intentional not to over commit, there are still too many demands for our attention. The place we likely carve out time is from our own personal space. The place reserved for taking care of ourselves, and where we build our reserves. This is the case for many, but for single parents, the demands are multiplied.

Managers who Manipulate Our Health— If we Allow it

A friend recently was in an auto accident. Fortunately she was not seriously injured. The following day was Monday, and my friend was planning on going into work, despite the fact that she had an injury which she had not sought medical attention for, and had not begun the process of contacting her insurance company and the myriad of details that need attention as a result.

Because of our strong work ethic, we are often misguided into believing that we need to “show up.” My friend didn’t consider taking time off because “I’m so busy at work.”

A Reason to Let Go, A Reason to Heal

Source: Google Search Images

“When someone is in your life for a reason……they are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and it is now time to move on.”—Iyanla VanZant (from her book “Acts of Faith”)

So many times in the last few years, I have found myself referring to these words.  Life is like that, no matter what age you are, you will always experience loss of some kind. These are necessary losses, whether we choose to see them as such at the time, or not. We may not have felt prepared to deal with these losses, and certainly didn’t welcome them, but nonetheless the time to exit came. 

Only in the rear view mirror can one see where the loss shaped us and how we grew in the process. I do have to add a caveat here. We will only move forward and grow, if we choose not to stay stuck in the past and if we choose to forgive the loss. If we hold a grudge for the loss, we won’t be able to let it go.

I have struggled many times with the “letting go” part.